18 Wives, submit to your
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives,
and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this
pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become
discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are
your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with
sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Colossians
3:18-22
In our culture, for many, these passages rub people the wrong way.
Some immediately get defensive and frankly, it turns many people off. But it is
important to dig in to understand the essence of what Paul is trying to teach
the Colossians and us. God is a God of order, not chaos. And this applies to
family structure and relationships.
How we
live in our relationships often reveals God’s position in our lives and hearts. Do our relationships reflect Christ in us?
As Christians, we are to submit to God’s authority and obey His
commands. And not to earn any favor (we could never achieve that), but as a
response to what He has done for us as Creator and Savior.
But obedience
and submission are so incredibly hard for us. They go against our nature and
against what society tells us…be
independent, go your own way, take charge of your own life, you are the only
one in charge of you. So how in the world do we learn to submit and be
obedient?
Paul presents several relational examples of how this is developed
in us. As spouses, as children, as employees. In each of these roles we have to
learn submission in different ways.
It is important to realize that submission doesn’t mean passively sitting by, a doormat lacking any individual thoughts, abilities and aspirations. It also doesn’t indicate a lesser-than status. We are all created in God’s image and are all equally valued by Him. That is essential to keep in mind.
Note that Paul says it is submission
as fitting to the Lord. It is submitting in a manner that honors the Lord
and is alignment with His character, not submission just at the whim of another
person. It is doing the things that God wants us to do and live a life God
wants us to live. We should desire this as well.
In Ephesians Paul adds additional detail around the role of
husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…Ephesians
5:25
The instruction to submit is addressed
to the wives…not the husbands. The instruction
for the husbands isn’t to enforce submission or to rule over their wives, but
to love them…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That is
a tall charge. If families truly loved and respected and submitted in this
manner, the power and influence of the family would be huge, rather than
falling apart as it feels like it Is in our society today!
When wives recognize a husband’s authority…support, encourage,
lift-up husbands; and husbands deeply love their wives; and children obey; and
workers work with sincere hearts as unto the Lord…THIS is how a Christian
community can make a difference in the world.
In our
culture of individualism, self-centeredness, and rights, we don’t like the idea
of submission and obedience. We want to live however we decide is best for us. But it
is a shallow, prideful, egocentric, short-sided way of thinking. We have to
trust God’s design and God’s plans. God
is for us…big time…not against us!
I think back to a time when these kinds of verses would really
bother me. But as I reflect on when and why, it really had more to do with my hard heart and selfishness. If we
feel a tang of defensiveness, we need to look at our hearts. We are likely
struggling with control and/or pride. We are fighting the call to obedience.
Take a step back and look at Jesus as an example. Who can ever
claim any rights greater than His?
Jesus,
though equal with God, submitted to God the Father. He didn’t get bent out of shape that He was too good, too holy, too
Godly, too perfect (though He was all those things) to submit to anyone else.
Instead, Jesus tells us that everything He did and said were under the
submission of, and in obedience to, God the Father…
John
5:19-Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do
nothing by himself; he can only do what
he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also
does.
John 5:30
– By myself I can do nothing; I
judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.
John 8:28-29
– So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know
that I am he and that I do nothing on my
own but speak just what the Father has taught me. The one who has sent me is with me; he has
not left me alone, for I always do what
pleases him.”
John 12:49-50
– For I did not speak on my own, but the Father
who sent me commanded me to say all that I have spoken. I know that his
command leads to eternal life. So whatever
I say is just what the Father has told me to say.”
And as Paul explains to the Philippians, Jesus
lives out the ultimate life of humility, submission, and obedience…
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,
but in humility count
others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to
the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he
was in the form of God,
did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8
Paul (through God’s revelation to him) isn’t trying to push us down, or diminish our value or position. We are all equally valuable children of God
with an enormous mission to be the Church during our short time on this planet.
In fact, Paul doesn’t even go here without first making sure we understand Christ
is the head of everything and there is
not distinction or label in Christ…we are all one.
Love must reign in our hearts and lives. And this looks a lot like love, humility, submission and obedience. But
it is FOR US, never against us or to lessen our calling and influence. Bitterness
over submission or status only reveals pride and undermines our potential. We
are all created in the image and likeness of God with a unique purpose. With Jesus
as our example, let’s not waste any valuable time squandering our mission and
purpose!
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